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I don't know where to begin. I don't know what it is that I can change to make this better. I thought I knew what I enjoyed in life, now that's all thrown out the window. I loved working with children. Now, I can barely be around them at all. So, knowing what to do with my life...that's a whole other obstacle in its own.

When I think about what could make things better, all that comes to mind is my son. That is all I want. I can't have him..so..what do I do? I have no idea where to go from here.

I wish I was stronger. I wish I could stop being so angry. I try, but I feel like it's wrong NOT to be angry..

It has made me so scared to do anything. I am scared to ever become pregnant again, I am scared I will lose my husband, I am scared to lose everything...almost like it has already happened. I don't want him to leave..those days where I just lose it..who will be there for me?

Plenty can say they will "be there", but in all honesty they just run. They don't understand..so they go as far away from me as possible..pretending they don't see what's happening so they don't have to face it.

I can't help but absolutely hate those that were not happy for me when I told them I was pregnant. I really fucking despise them right now..I hate it.

I just want to know what this was supposed to teach me..It has left me with almost nothing.
I don't know what to do with my life anymore.
I don't know what to look forward to, or if I can..
I am terrified of almost everything.

I don't know how to be happy anymore. I don't know if I ever can be truly happy, knowing my son is not with me..

If you think this is "emo", or repetitive..just look at yourself in the mirror, and ask yourself.."what would I do in this situation, how would I feel if in retrospect I lost everything I ever dreamt of?" ...then tell me I am wrong. I will tell you you are blissfully naive..and thank God for that.