Yea, life has left me somewhat bitter and completely fragile. Sorry if people don't understand when I turn away from a baby picture or become silent when talking about pregnancy. It just hurts, if you don't understand then you are not worth my struggle.
That being said, I am doing very well. Yes, with my bad days where sorrow seems imminent and my husband is nowhere to be found. Training sucks, and deployment will suck but somehow I have managed to be "ok". That's far better than I would have imagined.
Although my trust in God has somewhat faltered recently, I am leaving it up to him to plan my future. I can't plan anymore, it hurts too much and I just become impatient and angry.. So, here's to you God.
Again, I have had to delete certain things out of my life to protect myself. I have refused to work back in daycare which is the only thing I loved doing upto now. I have had to delete good friends of mine off facebook to avoid seeing baby pictures or pregnancy announcements. Sorry, I am not jealous, it just hurts really bad to be reminded of what we lost.
Don't tell me I will make a great mother someday, I am a great mother. My son is proud I am sure. So, there it is.
<3 love and miss you Adam. Hurry home, and be prepared. You will be jumped <3
Thanks for posting Brittany. I always read your blogs. I can't imagine you loss. If it helps , I have so much anger every time mothers day comes around since I can't be with my mother as she is in heaven. I get mad at her because I do have kids and I know she would have loved them very much. Grieving is always hard, I have my bad days. I work in a restaurant and when I see mothers with their daughters I turn to resentment towards them. I am sorry you are going through such a struggle. It won't be easy to conquer but you will conquer the grief and anger one day; I pray.
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