Cheers

This may be one of the nights I drink myself into oblivion, and before I do I thought I might try and be a cheesy little twit and write it out in here.

I am dreading deployment. DREADING it. I don't usually worry about being away from Adam. I just worry about the days where I will feel like I won't be able to handle anything alone.

Jealousy stabs at me every fucking day. I can't be happy for my own best friend because it happens so easily for others, yet here I am. Here we are. Yearning, hurting, and completely crushed. How can I be happy? It's so easy for someone else to say be happy for someone, when they haven't gone through us. Why our son? Why HIM?

I have been strong, and I have been doing better. Don't look at me like I am weak because I have my off days. I guarantee most people wouldn't be doing as well as I am. If "well" is what you want to call it.

I really want to scream a big "FUCK YOU" to a lot of people right now. Maybe break their kneecaps too. Anger seems to be the strong factor right now, so...fuck you.

I am hurting. Really bad. If you can't handle it.  Go.The.Fuck.Away.

I pray and I pray...I feel like I am just repeating myself over and over..like maybe ONE time my prayer will go off somewhere and actually be delivered? This is a vicious cycle. This is a vicious life, world, shit. UGH.

to all those who don't like this blog..eat shit.