Let's see what this leads to.

Again, I have started a blog. It seems I always start one when something comes into my life that significantly changes me. If you want a refresher of me this time last year take a look at http://brittc5490-partmyribslikethesea.blogspot.com/ I am sure you will notice a difference. If not, oh well.

Well here is what's different:
1) I am nocturnal lol
2) I am married to a wonderful man
3) I am pregnant
4) I live in North Carolina, due to the OH SO WONDERFUL Marine Corps ..ha
5) I no longer have absolutely no desire to move forward in life

I feel the old feelings of worry and stress coming back. You know, the old paranoia sneaking back up on me forcing me into a busy life that drove me crazy to begin with. At least now I know how to slow it down. That, or I just don't know where any opportunities are around here. I have contemplated becoming a writer, but hey, I already do that. I just don't publish or get paid for my writing. How inconvenient.

I never  thought in a million years I would miss home as much as I do. It's a little uncanny. For someone who absolutely hated home and couldn't wait to get out...I can't wait to go back. Reason; I miss my family. I know what it's like to lose your family due to petty disagreements from 10 years ago, I just want to be around the family I have left. I want my family to be around this child growing inside me. I want my father to teach my child how to fish like he did with me. I want my mother to be around the corner when I have a melt down, like she did with my grandmother while I was a baby.

I miss the beauty of home. I miss the mountains and valleys, rivers, waterfalls, and the sweet smell of pure, untouched nature (away from Eastman that is). Jacksonville is not very pretty. It smells very badly. The people aren't much better. I am looking for the good in this place. It is very hard to find anything worth liking in this town.

I guess some may wonder why I am not constantly talking about this baby growing inside me. Well, truth is I am constantly thinking about the little human in my tummy. Sometimes I need a break, because the stress of Adam leaving at such an inconvenient time is overwhelming. Not having him there for the birth will tear me apart. It is tearing me apart. I can live with him being gone for a few months of its life, but the birth you can never get back. This is why I despise the Marine Corps. Yea, I knew what I was getting into, but I have a life of my own, and Adam is in it. The Marine Corps is not my life. If only I could give someone a piece of my mind...I guarantee I am more intelligent than most of those idiots. Sorry, I am just a bit bitter.

I guess I have written enough tonight. Maybe I will sleep? Probably not.