Progress, or not

We finally got counseling set up, but we are definitely not ok. There have been many arguments just because we don't understand each other when we are hurting so greatly. He thinks I am mad when I am not, I think he feels nothing when that's not the case. This is just not fun. How can what happened be part of some perfect plan when it hurts so many people? This is not ok. I don't know where to go from here, everything seems wrong. It seems so wrong going on without our son. It is so wrong. I want to say I have gotten better, but the truth is I haven't. I have just learned how not to cry, maybe because I have ran out of tears..

I will wander until the end of time
Torn away from you

I pulled away to face the pain
I close my eyes and drift away
Over the fear
That I will never find a way
to heal my soul
And I will wander until the end of time
Torn away from you

My heart is broken
Sweet sleep, my dark angel
Deliver us from sorrow's hold
Over my heart

HALF ALIVE WITHOUT YOU,

..hardly alive at all.