I guess in my head I am convinced I will lose this baby too. Even though everything looks good so far and every pregnancy symptom I would expect to have is there....I still am convinced my body is not 'good enough' to allow a baby to grow inside me and manage to stay alive. I FEEL like everything will be ok, but my head...and a little bit of my heart is skeptical. I am fighting demons every day to battle these bad thoughts.
I feel a little abandoned. By quite a number of people at the moment..
It seems when you truly need someone to be there, they step out. Shocking..it shouldn't be..but it is every time.
The one person you SHOULD be able to turn to tells you to suck it up and get over it. Even if your safety is in jeopardy.
Others merely just ignore you, or ignore what you are going through. Disappear, basically. Again, shouldn't be shocking.
The person you consider the one human being you can count on and trust, breaks that trust. I have learned this over and over again. Why am I surprised?
So here I am daily trying to figure out what I am doing with my life now, and I just feel abandoned. I turn to Jesus, because He is really the only person that knows how my heart is breaking. I am stronger than this and I know this, always have.
Like I said before...hormones. I don't know if this has a lot to do with hormones or not..but it just seems more than coincidence the rest of these things are happening as well. I've been worse. Many times, but it's been a while since I have felt down like this.
I guess...in short...I am in reality OK. Some things have happened that I didn't foresee and I am dealing with them..with only God. I guess that sums it up.
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