distance, time.

I've said it before, I wish there was a pause, fast forward, and rewind button in life. It sucks that you have to use the same monotonous measurement of time for every aspect of life. I know when Adam goes, the first while will be very difficult. I just pray it goes by quickly, but it always goes by so slow, especially in the beginning. He keeps saying he is scared he will lose me while he is gone, that some guy will sweep me off my feet quicker than he did. That will never happen, even if a guy tried to do so, I wouldn't let him. My heart belongs to Adam. Once you make a commitment to someone in marriage, your choices determine where that relationship goes. I choose to continually love Adam for the rest of my life. I choose to be faithful. I choose to wait for him as long as need be. I know he does the same for me.

I just hate the time he is away. I feel like it is a total waste. Life without him doesn't feel like a life at all. But, I will be ok, because I know he would want me to be.  He shouldn't have to worry about me.

I wish there was some way I could be with him while he is gone...those nights where I feel everything is going wrong and I just wish I could pick up the phone to call him. Those nights sucks. Also the nights you can't sleep and you look beside you and realize no one is there, and no one will be there for some time. It just sucks.

I hope and pray this is the last time we have to be apart for so long.

I pray I am not a total mess. I pray he is ok too.

I love my husband with everything I am.

Adam

Every time I start thinking about how things have affected my husband, my heart breaks all over again. He never brings up Raiden anymore. He never brings up anything, until I see him start to cry. I don't understand why bad things have to happen so much. It's not fair that being with me, my husband had to endure this. I don't know how I am going to be ok without him. I don't know how he will be ok without me. He doesn't want to leave. He says it all the time. I would do anything if I could to be with him when he is so far away. It almost feels like  he has already left. He is so distant. He is so broken. I love him so much, I hate to see him like this.