I have never felt so empty, alone, scared, and hopeless all my life. Those that know cannot believe what happened, and honestly I can't either. I am torn in so many different directions. The birth and life of my little Adalyn is supposed to be the happiest time, yet an over abundance of heartache fills our lives. I am just grateful she may never know.
I had a whole lot of encouraging thoughts to write here earlier, but my sadness hits me when I don't want it to lately. My heart is so broken, and I thought it might get easier by now, but it has only become more difficult.
I always knew I was strong and I could handle a lot more than most, and it's still true. I am just sick of it. I am sick of doing everything I can to bring joy to others and just having hell dropped down on me. This may follow me for years, and for that I am not prepared to endure.
My precious Adalyn keeps me going. I don't know what I would do without her beautiful smile. She is amazing.
It's not fair she was a part of this. And as I write this with tears in my eyes, I pray that no one ever feels this pain. And for those that have, I am so terribly sorry you have every had to go through this. I know I will make it through this and there will be better days, but God please stop robbing me of my happiness. I am so sick of hurting. I am sick of feeling so alone. I hate feeling like I should be the strong one a hold on yet want to run so fast in the opposite direction. When will this end?
